Atta Marie: October 2024

autumn leaves falling like pieces into place

by Nikka Manimbao - 9:54 AM

(Note: Before anything else, I just woke up, it's 9 A.M and my thought process is a mess. Enjoy this little messy blogpost for now, will be updating this when I have already collected/organized my thoughts. And will insert photos or videos as soon as possible. haha. sorry, dear reader.)

This is my first time experiencing the fall season, and I couldn't stop gushing over everything (in my mind lol).

The leaves turning into brown and red, the cold weather (🥶), the beautiful orange hue that touches everything when the sun sets, the smell of the cold and not that polluted air (lol)... I love the details. I love observing. And it's definitely worth babbling about - hence this blogpost.

I couldn't help but sing All Too Well (the 10 min version) whenever I see the autumn leaves. I couldn't put it in words but everything is way better than what I've imagined.

I hope to remember this one all too well.

Also, I had so many realizations during the plane ride and also when I was alone in the backseat of the car. So many thoughts that I didn't mind not having internet/data at the time - my esim didn't work at first. hahaha

I was just thinking about how a lot of doors had opened after a huge plot twist in my twenties. (IN MY TWENTIES??? girl, are you 43???) And after I learned to let go of most things - that I didn't notice were a hindrance in my life.

As mentioned somewhere else (not sure which app), but I really felt like I've grown so much - I've learned a lot of lessons (some in a hard way), I'm slowly figuring out what I want in life, I'm still working on my skills when it comes to connecting with others outside my bubble but I could say that I'm doing better... I guess. (Hope I won't jinx this 🥲)

I'm so grateful that I get to experience this and with my family, hopefully there'll be more core memories for me to look back to. I had a short talk with Him before I fell asleep during the ride.

And I think... life indeed got better.

enjoy this little spotify playlist I created for fall: click here.

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24 at 24

by Nikka Manimbao - 9:37 AM

I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately, which made me write this blog post.

I'm turning 25 this month. (Oh, 25, how were you to know?)

So there'll be more things for me to ponder about, more challenges to get over, more experiences and space for me to grow.

At 24, here are some stuff that has struck me:

1. Life is easier if because of communication.

As cliché as this sounds, it's true. But if you can communicate, you should also learn how to listen. Both communicating and listening goes hand in hand.

And before any harsh reactions, I know that communicating is also one of the things I have to work on.

2. If it costs you (your) peace, then it's a no.

Need I say more?

3. This is your life. You are your own person.

Don't let anyone take over your thoughts and your opinions. Don't let them dictate your worth. Don't let their words get to you.

If you like that certain song, then dance to it. You don't need somebody else's validation and you don't need to change if they think that's cringe.

4. If it's for you, be grateful. If it's not, still be grateful.

I had this thought when I was job hunting after graduating college. I was waiting for an opportunity and still tried on submitting applications, attending interviews and taking assessments. The redirections did not hurt much after telling myself that there was something else for me.

At least you did your best and showed your sincere self. At least you learned your lesson. You can do better next time.

5. Trust your gut feelings and your dreams.

Your thoughts aren't always right but do try to observe how you feel and dream about something or someone.

(edit: man. what are my dreams telling me this time? we'll see.)

6. If you wouldn't do that to your younger self, why would you do that to your present self?

7. Being soft doesn't mean you're weak.

8. Write everything. Write about your feelings, write about your thoughts, write about what happened today, write about you.

This will help you handle your feelings better or this could help you let go and forget about it in the mean time. A little journal would help you have something to look back to. Maybe this could help you understand and realize a lot of things. (My seventeen year old self knew better. I should've listened.)

9. Forgive yourself.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

10. Your uncomfortable seasons are helping you grow.

A colleague told me that I have to "jump" so I could grow. There were a lot of moments wherein I felt really scared and nervous but looking back, I did it. I gave my best shot, I could say that I did well and I got over those intense feelings. And I just want to say that my colleagues helped me so much.

(edit: a colleague just gave me soooo many tips, and I'm so motivated now haha)

11. Stop setting expectations.

I read about this on ms. Joena San Diego's latest book, "Even if it's not meant for me". We get disappointed over some events and some people because of the expectations we have.

Let it flow, or let it go, or whatever Elsa said.

12. If you hesitate, it's a no.

13. Not everything is a competition.

A really silly conversation with someone made me think about this.

Whether it's someone's lifestyle, someone's problems, someone's new shirt or new shoes, or someone's hobby, well... they don't have to make it sound like a competition. Don't waste your time around people like that. Surround yourself with supportive and genuine people.

14. You are not how they treat you. Their actions tell (you) more about themselves.

15. Someone will love you and will never forget the tiniest (and probably the silliest) details about you.

You pay attention to the people you love the most.

I thought it was just me and my memory that loves to remember details. Maybe I'm just too focused on details that's why most things are tattooed in my mind but no... This realization came randomly because of the really great people in my life.

It's so heartwarming to know that all throughout our busy lives, they remembered even the littlest things like how I used to love cheese when I was younger and that I dislike cheese now. Also how they remembered the reason why I never got earrings again, or my it's my birthday in a few days or my favorite color even though I haven't told them. Or how I usually am and my little habits, how I like my soda better after a few days, or my love for Disney characters since then.

I'm more of a listener in every connection... I could talk about this more but I just want to drop this little thought: I really feel/felt "soft" when people pointed these little things about me.

16. Don't let others belittle you or tell you what you shouldn't be.

There's a line between recommending something out of concern and picking scabs just to say something much more harsh.

17. Don't do things if they're not willing to do the same for you.

Realized this a bit late.

18. Don't do things if you don't want anyone to do the same thing to you.

The thought isn't really the same as the number 17 but.... Karma is a relaxing thought.

19. Don't lose yourself over greed.

Don't let money control you.

Just another observation I had for so long and over a few conversations.

Just a little tip for people out there: don't let money control you. Don't be too naive. Don't be too greedy.

Well, this doesn't need any explanation.

20. I am too optimistic.

There are times where I always looked at the bright side of a situation when in reality or in another point of view... the light is too dim.

Stop opening doors which lead to a dead end.

Learned this the hard way.

21. I am full of love and no one can take that away.

I will give all the love that I have to the people who deserve it the most. (One of them is me.)

And looking back... year 2016, someone I used to talk to responded so differently when I mentioned this topic. but no, pal. Self-love isn't selfish and stupid.

22. He knows best.

I saw this sign when we were driving home. Not that I was asking for one, but it was a really cool coincidence. Talk to Him and don't forget to be thankful.

I do believe in His perfect timing.

23. You are not here to just exist. You are here to live.

This is actually a journal entry I have been itching to write about for a few months now.

So... how about you, dear reader? Are you here to exist or are you here to live?

(I'd love to hear someone else's thought about this. Dear Reader... uh, let me know. lol)

24. Time and acknowledging your feelings will heal you.

(And if you're avoiding things... trust me, they'll creep on you and hit you hard.)

bonus:

25. Surround yourself with the people you love and loves you. And appreciate those around you.

As much as I want to babble, I just want to say that I am forever thankful for my family, all of my friends, and people who keep in touch.

Well... that's a lot.

So that ends this blogpost.

---

Dear Atta,

you're a year older now. (Is 25 that sweet? I guess so!)

Here's to more memories to look back to, more time to spend with the genuine people in your life, more people to meet and cherish.

Here's to trying out new things that will make you leave your comfort zone.

Here's to more opportunities opening up for you.

Just like Harry Styles said, we'll be alright. 🩷🩵

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