And it hits you. for the nth time.

So many thoughts, so many new experiences and it all leads to feeling like a lot of things in my life have been aligned. (Or is starting to.)

If a certain situation did not happen, maybe I wouldn't get to experience this side of life. Maybe I would spend years  only dreaming about this. 

Maybe I would have gotten stuck or lost.

Maybe I wouldn't have grown. Maybe I didn't get to realize a lot of things because well... you can't really see everything up close. 

Maybe I would've only focused on someone else's dreams or interests, rather than mine. Maybe they really didn't think of mine (my dreams, my thoughts, the path I was taking, my love and well... my whole self) as something just as important as theirs.

Maybe I would've only listened to their opinions rather than my heart (and my mind. or my imagination, as others would've probably described it.)

Or maybe I probably would've suppressed my feelings or stories a lot more. the usual. 

Or maybe I would've spent years wondering about the what ifs.

Well... everything you lose is a step you take. (Thank you, Taylor Swift)

I love talking about the most random things in life. I love talking about what I saw or some events.

I love sharing stories. (which made me love blogging). I hope when I tell someone about something, it wouldn't have to end up in an argument or something like having someone just do an "oh." or a "thumbs up" reaction on your long ass message about your feelings/stories that would end the conversation quickly.

I love new experiences - even though I'm scared of taking a huge step and I'm scared of huge changes. I love how it helps me "know" and build myself more.

I love growing. I don't want to be "watered down".

I don't want to be belittled. (Best believe I'm still bejeweled . *wink wink*) 

I love supportive and genuine people - I hope to be surrounded by more of them. I love being silly and laugh a lot, I love being around happy people too. and not competitive + negative ones. 

I love having something to look forward to in life. And I love enjoying (and documenting) very moments. (Take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid.) (Thank you again, Taylor Swift.)

I am learning to look on the bright side of things as well. It took (or it's taking) me quite a long time but I'm glad to see a huge improvement. (Hope not to jinx it.) 

I think I'm doing better (and way happier) now. (Pls don't jinx it, self.) 

I think I'm finally clean.

4:11 a.m.

Good morning. And I'm going back to sleep. 

See you on my next blog post.

All the love,

Nikka.

--- 

11.21.24 update:

Two days ago, I received some really great news. I feel so blessed, really happy and really really thankful. 💛 

Dear past and future me (and to anyone reading),

I'm updating this blogpost to say that... everything works out. All good things happen to those who wait, those who do their best, those who never lose faith in Him, and those who don't hurt others intentionally.

You're okay. You're now doing so well after the storm you endured and went through for the past few months. 

I hope and wish for more good days. I hope to celebrate with genuine people who love and believe in me after all this time.